One of the most difficult parts of divorce—at least for adults—is reentering the dating world. This is especially true of those who have been married for a long time or were in an abusive marriage. There are several things likely to happen, but if you take your time you can overcome any obstacles in your way.
The Biggest Obstacle
Reentering the world of dating after a divorce can be both exciting and intimidating. This is especially true for those who have been married a long time because they have no idea what to expect in these modern times. As humans our instincts allow us to be drawn into the idea of being with someone as part of a couple yet statistics show almost 50 percent of marriages fail. Although these figures are staggering, we need to understand individuals change over the years which also changes what we seek in a partner.
Avoid jumping into the dating game until you take time to look at yourself as a single person. By doing this you will more than likely find yourself achieving more satisfaction and happiness with any partners that enter your life in the future. Some of the things you want to keep in mind include the following:
Take some time indulging in self-discovery
Now that you are single again you need to take some time to rediscover yourself. You want to take the time to look at your personality in order to determine what you may need when you are ready for another partner. Another thing you want to do is allow enough time for your mind to completely heal from any devastation you feel because of the divorce before you even think about entering into a new relationship. After a divorce you may find your self-esteem is at an all-time low and may even cause you to feel depressed at times. While these feelings are normal, you want to avoid dwelling on the past but rather allow the experience to make you a stronger person.
Don’t be in a rush
Instead of attempting to go directly into a new relationship allow yourself and your children an opportunity to grieve from the loss of the previous relationship first. If you avoid dating during this period of adjustment, it will prevent you from making a mistake you will possibly regret later. It has been proven statistically that relationships that develop while a person is on the rebound very seldom become healthy relationships and have the potential to increase the time it takes a person to heal. This period of adjustment is essential when there are children involved because they need time to get used to the reality of the divorce before you expose them to any new people. Choose the speed that works best for you, and in the meantime fill the lonely evenings by building a new circle of friends.
Never settle for less than you really want
Once your divorce is final and you have begun the process of looking for a new partner, the last thing you want to do is settle for second best. Being single again allows you an opportunity to begin over again with someone who possesses those qualities your previous spouse lacked. The dating period provides the opportunity for you to seek those people who possess the traits that you find the most important in a potential partner. You want to avoid allowing any previous insecurity to prevent you from seeking what you really desire in a new partner. This is the nice thing about dating: if you don’t enjoy the company of a particular person you are dating you have the option to stop seeing that person. Ensure your expectations are high enough to meet your needs but remain realistic enough to ensure a wide selection.
Research all potential resources
There are plenty of places to meet new people, so you should take advantage of any available resources available for meeting those people. For busy individuals online dating offers the opportunity to meet dating partners while continuing to balance a career, children, and other commitments. If you choose the option of online dating, be sure you are very specific in your profile so you increase the potential for finding someone who meets your needs. You don’t want to give up if you are exposed to mismatched dates; there are plenty of single people who would like nothing better than to meet someone with your qualities.
Learn from previous mistakes
One of the problems that faces many divorced people is they fear making the same mistakes when they reenter the dating field. Sometimes they even find themselves repeating the same patterns. This leads them to choose someone who is all wrong for them. To help you find the right partner, you should attempt to find dating partners who are not your typical “style” but rather have some different qualities that might actually result in your acquisition of a long-term partner. This could actually help you in your quest to avoid becoming hooked up with those individuals who possess the same bad habits and character traits you disliked in your previous spouse. Embrace the new “you” and learn to make the choices that will provide a more secure and better future for you and your children.
Look to the future instead of the past
Don’t consider your divorce as a failure but rather see it as an opportunity for you to grow. Rather than focus on what went wrong in your marriage, look at the good things it brought to you. You are the only one who is in control of ensuring your own happiness, so you want to use that to embrace those successes you achieved through your marriage.
Using some of these tips as you prepare to reenter the world of dating can help you avoid repeating your past mistakes. Use your previous marriage as a learning experience rather than a failure, and you will find it easier to move past the heartache you experienced.