Co-parenting after divorce isn’t always an easy task—after all, trying to cooperate with someone when you have hurt feelings, disappointment, or resentment isn’t going to be a walk in the park. That’s why it’s important to understand that your children need both parents actively involved in their lives, regardless of your personal opinion of your ex-spouse. Follow these 4 tips to help you successfully transition into co-parenting our children after divorce.
Remove Yourself From the Situation
So many times, individuals place unrealistic expectations on themselves – or each other. It’s important to remember that you’ve both been through a difficult and painful transition—divorce isn’t emotionally easy to deal with. If you feel like you’re constantly hitting walls of disagreement, re-evaluate the situation. Learn to accept that changing the other person’s opinion or decision isn’t possible and try to find another way to make something work.
Emotionally Heal From the Divorce
Too many times people push past the feelings of remorse or loss – trying to move on to “better” things. While it’s important to eventually move past the hurt, taking the time to grieve the end of a major relationship is critical to successful co-operation. When an individual has had the opportunity to heal properly it becomes easier to work together when raising children.
Move Out of the Past
The hardest thing to do is learn to let go of the past. Whether specific situations or negative intentions continue to haunt your present – it’s crucial that you learn to let them stay in the past. So many times divorced parents play a game of keeping score, using the children as pawns in a game of tug-o-war – when that’s the last place a child should be. Remember that at one time or another, the two of you loved each other dearly – so much that you decided to get married and have a family.
Let go of the Control
Each household has a different set of rules and limitations your child must follow; they may be similar to your routine – or they may be substantially different. The important thing to remember is that regardless of what you believe is “best” for your child – is not your decision to make. Unless your child is in physical or psychological danger, learn to accept that the two homes will likely be different and there’s nothing you can do to change that.