No two people have the same story when it comes to divorce; the circumstances are always different. The circumstances surrounding a divorce vary from one couple to the other. Whether you are disappointed or relieved makes no difference; what is important at this point is where your life is going from here.
Allow yourself time to grieve
It’s ludicrous to think anyone gets married actually hoping the relationship will end at some date in the future. Even if you and your ex agree to the divorce and its terms, you will still feel a loss.
No matter what your experience may have been during both the relationship, you will find yourself dealing with some emotions that are related to grief according to the author of On My Own: The Art of Being a Woman Alone.
The author, psychotherapist Florence Falk, PhD. MSW states you may be regretful of something you perceive you may have done and may wonder if you did something that caused your marriage to fail. She states that while you don’t want those feelings of regret to consume you, you do want to allow them to remain a part of you. It’s important to understand those feelings are the result of having feelings of emptiness where there used to be something whether that something was desirable or not.
Give yourself time to work through the emotions you feel
The one thing you want to avoid doing is carrying the baggage remaining from your failed marriage into the new life you will be building. You will find it necessary to seek ways to set aside those emotions that continue to linger after your marriage has ended. In order to accomplish this task it may be necessary to speak with a professional or exert your energy on an activity you take pleasure in performing. It isn’t unusual for people to simply toss these emotions to the side, but if you want to succeed in future relationships, you will need to find ways to eliminate those feelings.
Develop the habit of liking yourself
While this may seem like an easy task, the truth is many people actually suffer from a great deal of self-rejection following a divorce. They believe there has to be something wrong with them if they were unable to build a successful marriage. Overcoming these feelings creates the need to build self-confidence and faith in yourself and belief in your own worth.
Rediscover your former self
If you have gotten divorced after many years of marriage, it’s possible you gave up many things you enjoyed when you were single simply because they didn’t fit in with your married lifestyle. Now is a good time to think of the hobbies and activities that were once such an important part of your life. You now have the opportunity to reinvest your interest in those things as you rebuild your single lifestyle.
Discover another side of yourself
Divorce is a life-changing event, and even though it is difficult and often not welcome, there is a silver lining at the end: it forces a person to try a new lifestyle. It won’t necessarily be anything dramatic; it may be something as simple as changing your hairstyle or the way you dress. For some people it may indeed be something more dramatic such as moving to a new city or even spending some time abroad.
You can’t just go off on a whim, however; there are things you have to keep in mind such as the children, your job, and a budget that may have been affected negatively by the divorce. Even though you may not be able to fulfill your wildest fantasies, there are many things within your reach. Avoid the urge to avoid all change simply because you are unable to make every change you would like to make.
The only thing that is really important is to ascertain the changes you make in your life are healthy choices whether it is being the person you were before you got married or a new person now that you are single once again.
Don’t be afraid of spending time alone
You don’t have to isolate yourself and never see anyone to spend time alone; this just means you are not involved in a relationship, are not part of a couple. It’s fortunate for newly divorced couples today that society is more tolerant of singles that it was even a few years ago. Unlike decades ago, there are a huge number of people who live alone which offers many possibilities for making new friends and joining groups that are focused on your interests. Newly divorced people can easily enter into a new and exciting social dimension.
Don’t discount transitional relationships
In this respect we are not talking about entering into a relationship on the rebound but rather when you are ready to date again to consider dating someone who is outside your comfort zone such as someone who is not your type. This doesn’t mean you have to look at this as a means to a permanent relationship but rather a period of exploration. Just open your eyes and explore the possibilities.
Be comfortable in the new roles you have assumed
For many people divorce means venturing into unknown territory, especially those who have been married for a long time. There may be some roles that are new to you, especially any roles that your ex handled during your marriage.
For instance, if you were a stay-at-home mom, you will now need to learn how to manage taking care of the children, earning the money, managing the finances, and making sound investments. It won’t be easy, but you will learn to handle the responsibility as long as you learn to seek help when you need it. Don’t worry about making mistakes; you will learn from them. Making mistakes is the only way you can learn, and they provide the skills you need to move forward into your new life. “
